New Year, New Me

I suppose the New Year has something to do with the recent fire under my butt. Perhaps it’s more of a combination of factors at play; Miguel is working two jobs so he’s home less, my kids are growing crazy fast and I want to document more, I miss having a social connection with the outside world on a regular basis, I have finally/recently come to terms with me and I want to hold myself accountable.

Recently, I discovered ME; as in me, I, yo.  For as long as I can remember I have been living in a conflicted state of being.  I have always felt the need to create, to work with my hands and my heart but I have pushed myself towards trying to find a more lucrative career.  I have trouble finding satisfaction in ordinary jobs and therefore have had LOTS of them.  With every new step I take towards something I believe would fulfill me, I run away with my tail between my legs.  My fear of failure has kept me from succeeding yet I also fail because of my fear of success. See the conflict?

So I came to these conclusions:

1)      I am a dreamer.  I am ‘that’ friend.  You know, the one who always has some hair brained idea that she shares with passion yet she never follows through.  The friend who means well but just can’t seem to get her shit together career wise.

2)      There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a dreamer and I should keep my mind open.

3)      This year, I resolve to live my life for me and to follow my heart.  To no longer allow outside voices to dictate what is appropriate for me or my family.

4)      Time to use my creativity for a bigger purpose and to allow that side of me to flourish.

5)      I shall embrace my differences and count them as strengths rather than weaknesses.

As you may be able to gather, until now I made a lot of excuses and refused to take full responsibility for myself and my downfalls.  As my children grow, I realize that I may be setting them up for failure to, unless I change my ways.  I’m a firm believer in leading (parenting) by example, so if I want to raise holistically successful children, I had better start living by the same expectations.  Really, who doesn’t want to be fulfilled in all areas of their lives?