Thursday, January 29, 2009

Failed Dreams-Just Another Stepping Stone?

My whole life I have felt as though I was failing at something. Then last year, I decided to snap out of that mindset and make a conscious decision to chase my dreams and stop worrying about failure. Although 2008 was filled with complete insanity, I was able to gain valuable experience as a baker and feel a sense of true accomplishment. Oh how quickly we can be knocked off our cloud!

Yesterday I was unfortunately slapped in the face with a serious dose of reality (for me anyway). Since early November two colleagues and I have been pursuing a dream of opening our own wholesale bakery which was to use natural and local products. Everything seemed to be going great, we had prospective clients (some really big awesome ones), we catered a gig or two, we had our name out there, a website ready to go, business cards printed, etc. However, I was struggling with some of the financial aspects of the business plan so I sought outside expertise and attended a meeting with said professional yesterday.

Now I know everyone has made some mistakes in their life, especially in their 20's. However, I made mistakes so often it was almost my form of art! I filed bankruptcy at the tender age of 24 and since moving back to Denver, I have attended two schools and switched jobs almost every six months. I think its safe to say here that I do not look so fantastic on paper and sadly, this is America where we are viewed as a number.

That being said, my informational meeting centered around the financial aspects of opening a business. I wanted the cold, hard truth and I got it. My counselor was a super sweet older and very wise man, who actually had a ton of faith in us and our concept. When I left the meeting I was flooded with an immediate sense of failure. It became apparent that if my name were to be on any of our documents, finding funding now or in the future would be next to impossible. Now to add to my financial misery, Miguel has been working two jobs for sometime now and has been supporting me as I chased my dreams. The poor man is exhausted and its my fault.

I called the Fiancee and we discussed the situation and the truth of the situation is, I am in NO position financially to start a business. I owe $50,000 in student loans and I am currently working under 20 hours a week for $9.50/hour. Not exactly paying any bills with that. So we came to the decision that I need to work full-time and hopefully I can save up some money and try this whole bakery idea again when I get my shit together.

The worst part of all of this was calling my partners and crushing their dream along with mine. I felt/feel like a total asshole and couldn't apologize enough. But, what is done is done and now I have to hit the pavement and find a job (along with the 40,000 other people in CO). Ugh!!!!!

To those of you who had your heart set on Butter Baking Collective, I will still be doing the small gigs on the side as I have been doing for the last 3 years. But, unless some super charitable millionaire out there wants to throw some cash my way, now isn't the time. BOO!!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Honey Whole Wheat Pizza and Fancy Blueberry Muffins

Yesterday I was feeling pretty motivated to make some tasty treats. Last week I perfected a recipe for Honey Whole Wheat Pizza dough and Miguel loved the pizza I made with it. So last night he was privileged enough to get pizza again. The recipe is easy and delicious and I should have take better pictures of the actual crust but oh well. I topped the crust with Spicy Italian Turkey Sausage, Green Peppers, Garlic, Onions, Artichoke Hearts and lots of cheese! Baked it at 400F for about 17minutes, on top of an upside-down cookie sheet on the lowest rack. Of course you could use a pizza stone, but unfortunately I am ill-equipped for that.

The Recipe:

Makes 1- 12" Pizza Crust

1 teaspoon honey

3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees)

1 1/2 teaspoon yeast

1 1/2 teaspoon olive oil

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup whole wheat flour

3/4 cup unbleached all-purpose flour

Dissolve honey in warm water. Sprinkle yeast over warm sugar water. When mixture is foamy (about 5-10 minutes) add the olive oil. In a mixing bowl, add the whole wheat flour, salt and 1/4 cup of the all-purpose. Stir in the yeast mixture until all the flour is moist. Add more all-purpose flour gradually until you have a ball of workable dough (not super sticky and holds together). Using the rest of the all-purpose flour, knead the dough ball with your hands until the flour is incorporated and you have a nice smooth/elastic dough.
Place dough in an oiled bowl (turn dough ball around so that all sides are oiled. Cover with a tea towel and place in a warm spot for about an hour or until doubled. Once dough is doubled, punch down and roll with hands into a tight ball. Place back in oiled bowl and recover for about 45 minuted or until doubled.
Roll dough into a circle on a lightly floured surface. The put the dough on something that can transfer the pizza to the oven (in my case, back of a cookie sheet). Top with sauce and your choice of toppings. Transfer to oven and bake until crust is golden brown (approx. 15 minutes)


Now, I also experimented with some Blueberry-Cream Cheese-Lemon Curd Muffins which I will not post the recipe because it needs work. But this was a nice way to use up some frozen blueberries and leftover lemon curd. They sure tasted yummy and sadly I picked a muffin with hardly any blueberries for the picture. Whoops. If you are interested in my general idea/recipe then let me know and I will gladly share! My friend Rick was over right after these came out of the oven and said they were 'Interesting and delicious'!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Snacks and Sleep

This morning I woke up at the awesome hour of 2am and couldn't fall back to sleep. After two hours of rolling around, I came to the conclusion that it would be better to use the time than to abuse the time. So up and at 'em I went. Made Miguel lunch, wrote two letters, read emails, worked on some business stuff, read about 50 pages, and then it was 6am and Miguel was also up. Amazed with my accomplishments at such a wild hour, I thought maybe I should get up when I can't sleep; just a thought. We shall see what happens next time.
Last Sunday, my partners (Butter Baking Collective) and I catered a little party for a friend in Fort Collins. Here are pictures of the goods:

From top to bottom...... 1) Crostini with Chickpea Pimiento, 2) Crostinin with Kalamata Olive Tapenade and Artichoke Parmesan, 3) Mustard-Ginger Shrimp served with Sweet Peppers, 4) Cucumbers topped with Lemon, Chive and Dill Creme Fraiche and Smoked Salmon, 5) Chocolate Ganache Tartlets and 6) Lemon Curd Tartlets with Blackberries and blueberries.
YUMMY!!! The party was a great success and I was fortuante enough to rekindle a lost friendship from Junior High!
It is snowing today and food is on my mind (as usual). Enjoy the snacky porn and until I get more sleep or have something more to say, Have a good Monday!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Just Over 100

I have spent the last two days compiling a list of 101 Goals in 1001 Days. This was an idea I picked up from a post on one of my favorite blogs, The Simple Dollar( For the sake of sharing and simply putting it out there, here is my list:

101 Goals in 1001 Days
January 25, 2009

1. Open Butter Baking Collective
2. Plan a frugal and green wedding
3. Marry Miguel
4. Run (not walk) the Bolder Boulder
5. Be able to do 50 push-ups in a row (0/50)
6. Be able to do 100 sit-ups in a row (0/100)
7. Be able to do 20 pull-ups in a row (0/20)
8. Meditate for 10-15 minutes daily
9. Pay off $10,000 on students loans
10. Get motorcycle license
11. Grow a kitchen garden with herbs and vegetables (tomatoes, tomatillos, onions, peppers,

squash, lettuce, etc)
12. Skydive
13. Sew an article of clothing
14. Knit a hat
15. Knit a scarf
16. Compile a cookbook of my recipes and give as a gift to
17. Read 72 novels (one every other week for 2.75 years)
18. Read 72 works of nonfiction (one every other week for 2.75 years)
19. Lower grocery bill to $250/month
20. Enter at least 20 recipe contests (0/20)
21. Save $3000 in an emergency fund
22. Make a budget and stick to it
23. Finish “31 Days to Fix Your Finances”
24. Sell at least one piece of artwork (0/1)
25. Volunteer with kids
26. Do the 3-day walk for Breast Cancer
27. Take a Salsa dance class with Miguel
28. Plan/budget for a honeymoon with Miguel
29. Save $2000 for honeymoon
30. Do at least one fast per year
31. Listen to every record I own at least once
32. Listen to every CD I own once all the way through
33. Write in a daily journal
34. Write down dreams in a dream journal first thing in the morning
35. Paint two paintings a month (0/72)
36. Write a letter every other day
37. Have guests over for dinner at least once a month (0/33)
38. Call my parents once a week (0/143)
39. Write in blog at least 4 times a week (0/572)
40. Learn to speak Spanish
41. Quit smoking
42. Walk/run the dogs daily
43. Drink 100oz of water a day
44. Tell Miguel I love him everyday
45. Take a martial arts class
46. Make a conscious effort to smile more
47. Practice cake decorating- perfect roses
48. Buy a motorcycle
49. Make flower potters out of old tires
50. Visit family at least once a month
51. Go see live music 20 times (0/20)
52. Write a letter in ‘our’ notebook 3 times a week (0/429)
53. Read one ‘great book/classic’ a month (0/33)
54. Eat vegetarian for a month
55. Snowboard with Miguel
56. Donate $10 to charity for each item on this list I don’t finish
57. Beat Miguel in a game of chess
58. Learn a new word everyday
59. Use my new word everyday
60. Can at least 40 jars of homemade tomato salsa (0/40)
61. Can at least 40 jars of homemade tomatillo salsa (0/40)
62. Can at least 20 jars of homemade green chili (0/20)
63. Bake goodies during the holidays and distribute to neighbors and
64. Organize digital photos
65. Organize printed photos- make albums
66. Construct a proper address book
67. Create a business card book
68. Road trip with Sara to Idaho to visit our grandparents
69. Road trip across country
70. Install programmable thermostat in the house
71. Change furnace filter once a month (0/33)
72. Build and rock a dog run in the backyard
73. Compost
74. Organize attic- get rid of unwanted or no longer needed items
75. Organize garage and keep organized
76. Insulate house better for winter
77. Learn how to play euchre
78. Have a game night with friends once a month (0/33)
79. Perfect a loaf of bread
80. Try absinthe
81. Finish right arm tattoo sleeve
82. Find 10 people who inspire me (0/10)
83. Write a letter to each inspirational person (0/10)
84. Go to a wine tasting
85. Go to a beer tasting
86. Write a super cheesy fan letter to Billy Idol
87. Begin writing my memoirs
88. Hike Longs Peak
89. Go on a picnic
90. Re-pot houseplants
91. Crochet a blanket
92. Get both dogs licensed in Denver for three years
93. Get teeth cleaned at least 5 times (0/5)
94. Go camping 10 times (0/10)
95. Travel to a new place in Colorado each summer (0/3)
96. Learn to make BBQ ribs
97. Learn to make menudo
98. Meet each of my neighbors
99. Play tennis at least 20 times (0/20)
100. Go roller skating at least 10 times (0/10)
101. Take a trip to the East Coast for fall color change

These goals have been printed and displayed for my continuous view. I look forward to checking these off and having some fun! I will keep you posted on my progress.

Friday, January 23, 2009


About a week ago I was chatting with my sister about how I wanted to find a race to train for, thus, giving me motivation to get back in shape. A few days after our intial conversation, Sara approached me with the idea of training for the Bolder Boulder. A run that I have been quite familiar with as a spectator for years. This is a 10K run that winds through beautiful Boulder, Colorado. I talked it over with Miguel and we have since decided to give it a go and start running!
The race is at the end of May, which gives us approximately 4 months to whip our lazy bodies into shape. This morning was my first test of fitness and I'm sad to say I failed miserably. (Last summer Mig scored a $60 treadmill and I have been on it a total of 6 times since then). Today, I walked/jogged for 30 minutes and covered a total of 1.78 miles. Actually not too bad, but at that pace it will take me 2 hours and complete exhaustion to finish the race.
Looks like I have a lot of work cut out for me over the next 4 months. But, the way I see it, this experience is going to bring Miguel, Sara, and I closer and we will feel AMAZING after we cross that finish line--- not to mention I will look smoking hot again (just like when I graduated high school, haha). A perfect way to begin my 'lose weight for wedding' program! ;)
Here's to finding something to help you whip your ass into shape!!!! Cheers!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary with Miguel and I was greeted with a wonderful surprise: a proposal for marriage! Now we have a new anniversary to celebrate ;)

This story is a cheesy one, but absolutely fantastic too:

As you may know I am not your 'typical' girl and I generally find (what many see as) classic romance nauseating; however, my lover eats the shit up like cake. So I decided I was going to step out of my box and make our anniversary really romantic. I'm talking candles, flowers, love songs, fancy dinner, special painting painted by me, the works. On Tuesday, my friend Kim had sent an email saying she would like to hang out on Wednesday. I responded with a yes and clarified that I need to be home by 3 to set up for my big night with Miguel.

Tuesday night, Miguel came home sick from his second job and I sent him straight to bed. I needed my man well so I could woo him the next day. In the morning, Miguel was feeling better and I got up, made his lunch, and sent him to work (or so I thought). Then I began to plan my day. Kim came over at 11am and we proceeded to the Dollar Store (for candles) and then to a Paint Your Own Pottery store to get creative ;)

At around 2, Kim and I headed back to my place where she wished me a Happy Anniversary and I walked to the door. As I got closer to the house I could smell something delicious coming from within. I sensed rosemary and garlic, and then instantly became confused. Had I forgot about something I was cooking? No. Hmm, maybe I'm just hungry? I walked in the door to find this....

Needless to say, I was completely shocked!! I emptied my arms while calling out for Miguel. No response. All of a sudden I realized that my favorite Cat Stevens songs was faintly playing on our record player. I then decided to follow the trail of rose petals (fake too.... I taught Miguel the art of reuse well) which led into my bedroom. There he was, all gussied up for me-tie and everything. As I walked in, he dropped to one knee and said some of the sweetest words (which are honestly kind of a blur so I will have to re post when he writes it down for me, haha) and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and asked if I would join him.... I replied with a huge 'of course, of course, yes, yes, yes, now get up and kiss me' as tears streamed down my face ;) I was presented with a very fake and huge engagement ring, which is a stand in for the one we ordered.

I am officially engaged to the most considerate, sweet, caring, loving, sexy, smart, amazing man on the planet!!!! Happy Anniversary INDEED!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


So here it is January 21, 2009 and I haven't written in my 'blog' for about six months. I would like to insert that the possible reason would be a lack of exciting adventures from then to now; but that would be a lie. Too many awesome moments happened in the latter half of 2008 and I was simply too lazy to write them down. So as a new President takes office and I enter the fourth year of my wonderful relationship with Miguel, I make this statement: I will do my best to continue the things I start (including this blog).

Albeit lame, I really am going to push myself to follow my creative paths and actually complete projects. This year I push aside my fear of judgement and failure and embrace my 30th year with passion, understanding and patience. Behold, this the first day of the rest of my determined life!

2009 is anticipated to be filled with amazing new experiences and I want to share it with you..... other people having the time of their life or those looking for a laugh or another quirky individual to relate to. Cross your fingers that I always have something to say!